"Fogive me......"

A lone traveller walks onward with heavy steps, for he has no particular destination in mind. The sky is blue, the sun is shining in a friendly manner, yet it matters not; for his mind is grey, his heart is black. It is irrelevant whether he is surrounded by people or not, as he is blind to his surroundings. He feels no exhaustion, no hunger, nor does he feel any kind of physical pain. How could he, being embroiled in a mental turmoil so devastating that he is unaware of all other things.

"I have sinned, forgive me". These are the words he keeps repeating in his head. These words are his last fortress, his last pillar of hope. Forgiveness. But each time he says this a voice in his head replies: "forgiveness cannot be granted to the weak. Atone for your sin and you will be forgiven. "Each time he hears these dreaded words he kicks the ground in frustration. Why is he being asked to do the impossible?

For the first time, he hears a voice which is soft, soothing...... "It's not impossible, if you have the will to do it." The traveller stops dead in his tracks. No, it is not because of exhaustion that he does so. He is past exhaustion now. He turns back, and looks at the vast emptiness before him, separating him from the only world he has ever known. How wonderful it would be, for the first time in his life, to do the right thing.He can almost feel the satisfaction, the relief thet was now within his grasp. How he wishes that he had the strength to turn back, give himself up, and save the innocent soul who has been accused for the crimes that he committed. He takes a few steps in the direction of this new chance to attain salvation. He walks steadily and determinedly towards this lamp of hope in his low and blackened existance.

And then, without warning, the image shatters, the lamp is extinguished. All his fear returns to him. If he returns, he will be punished, and punished severely. No one will recognise the courage of his decision. No, returning was pointless. However, a small part of his soul continues to urge him forward, pleads with him to do what is right, and not what is easy. What follows is the greatest battle of all: the battle within oneself. His mind is being torn apart, his heart is being shredded to pieces. And still he cannot make up his mind. Right, easy......... Right, easy......... Right, easy................ He ponders over these words for hours, and he still can't find the answer. His feet are rooted to the the spot. Should he turn back? Can he just walk away from his ambitions, his joys, his life? Does he have the strength of character to turn himself in?

***********

For how long has he been running? Fleeing from his treachery? He cannot even remember what he is running from anymore. He has no destination, no end to this long and tiring journey. He is still oblivious to his surroundings; the heat, the cold, the rain, they do not affect him. And whenever he is asked a question by a curious passer-by, he does not even raise his eyes. He merely mutters, more to himself than to anyone else: "Forgive me, I have sinned, forgive me, forgive me........"

Copyright (c) Shantanu Anand, 2008